Snow and Ice in Siberia

Not a day goes by that someone doesn't ask me what I think about the weather in Russia.  I find it even more amusing that people criticize the English for always talking about the weather, yet it's always the first thing that pops out of people's mouths, and it doesn't even matter which country you are in.  You could be in Thailand and people will ask you what you think about the weather.  So, how do you like the weather in paradise?  Don't you just love the non-stop sun or mild breezes?  Without further adu, I give you my take on snow and winter in Russia. 

First of all, it’s been snowing ever since November 10 I think, and now it’s now January 2013.  I like snow, I do.  But I’ve lost count of the non-stop snow days.  I’m impressed that the people have actually been clearing the roads.  On top of that, it’s quite warm, so sometimes you have to waddle through small lakes just to cross the street, but it’s just another day in the life.  Better yet, the non-stop bitching about the weather.  I swear Russians are hard wired with the genetic disposition to complain.  And it’s not normal complaining, it’s something more like:

Russian A: Aw!  This weather, it’s so not normal!

Me: I like it.

Russian A: No, it’s terrible.  Wait until it’s -30. 

Me: Been there, done that, it’s okay really.  I come from a snowy place.

Russian A:  No, it snows more in Siberia.  Many, many snow.

Me: Uh, okay.  Snow sucks.

Russian A:  What?!  No, it’s great.  No place like Russia for snow.

 

Yes, because it only snows in Russia and no where else on earth.  Period.  Just like no other country has corruption or alcohol.  And people thought Americans were ego-centric.  Joking aside, I will give credit to Siberians for making amazing snow and ice sculptures.  After a short trip to Moscow for New Year and a visit to the 'Snowman Festival', I can safely say that Siberian artists have a true gift for carving ice and snow.  Moscow's Festival was a shocking disappointment for two reasons 1) it's the capital of attitude, people in Moscow think Moscow is the best therefore all art shows should be the best 2) it's a snowman festival in Russia, and in Moscow no less, therefore see point one to understand the surprise.  It looked as though someone took a bunch of white boxes and put sunglasses and lampshade on them, then piled them up and called them snowmen.  Yes, the snowmen weren't even made from snow.  I'm sure this made sense to someone, but I'm just not sure who.  On top of that, they even advertised this in the newspaper!  Granted, it was Moscow Times, but still, they clearly wanted this event to be known, therefore someone took the time to write about it. 

Comparing that laughable thing to Novosibirsk is like comparing a chocolate to borsh.    

There's a small ice city not far from where I live that contains an ice castle with an ice slide that kids (they say it's for kids, but I wonder if adults can ride it too because it looks like fun) can ride.  In the center of Novosibirsk, like all Russian cities there is Ploshid Lennina.  Last year they had a Star Wars theme, and this year, happily, was more traditional.  The artists worked day and night on carving these giant blocks of stone and from these blocks they created horses, a small city representation, walruses and other astounding designs. 

 It's a pity now that only after two weeks of displaying such amazing works of art, the beautiful sculptures are now littered with kopecks and gum.  

Overall, winter isn't bad.  It's bad because people make it bad.  It's cold yes, it's slippery because for some reason everyone is afraid to use salt to melt the ice the easy way. No, here, they prefer to use the giant butter knives to literally chisel at the layers of snow and ice.  You know, you would think in Land of Snow they would have developed super shovels or laser cutters or anything to make people lives easier when it comes to snow removal.  But alas no, people like to go out of their way to make their lives more difficult.  It's absurd, I know, but true all the same.  Is it really necessary to try and remove snow with a flat piece of metal that just compacts the snow instead of picking it up and moving it somewhere else?  Well, yes, I guess.  Or lets use a broom with half a handle to sweep the snow away; we want to make sure that you have to bend over for no reason so that you strain your back because no one can be bothered with following the simple physics principle of levers. 

So no, the weather isn't bad, it's just annoying at times because it just doesn't change.  Unlike Colorado where we are spoiled with non-stop atmospheric fluctuations, in Siberia when it's cold- it's cold and it will stay that way for months at a time.  In the summer, when it's hot, it's hot for months at a time and it will stay that way.  It could always be worse though, I mean we could be living in the Sahara Desert with constant sandstorms or in Iceland with volcanic ash hanging in the air.      


 

 

New Year Rants

You know what?  Blogging is a pain in the butt.  Writing for that matter is an even bigger pain in the butt.  Do you know how many great ideas and comments I have every second of every day but then when you want to put them on paper, or on a computer screen, it's nearly impossible at times. 

Take New Year's Eve for example.  I was in Moscow on New Year's, the one place I didn't really want to be, but when push came to shove, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.  The whole day was note worthy and memoriable but then when I sat down to write it all down, all I could come up with is, "uh, I have no voice, my head hurts and I would totally kill for some green chili right about now, but wait, I live in a place where that's impossible to find." Or something even more lame like, "best New Year's EVER!" Yes, because EVER clearly envelopes the whole series of emotions a person can feel.  New Year's Eve was great because all the cliche things that were supposed to happen, pretty much did.  The only thing that didn't happen was the great kiss at midnight, but that's beside the point.  So you may be asking yourself, how does one go about having a great night on this totally overrated holiday?  Just follow these ten easy steps:
1) You get all dolled up, prom style
2) have an alcoholic beverage at 5pm
3) race to the store and fight people for even more bottles of alcohol
4) have another drink once you leave the store- this is a way of bragging to others that you have beer and they don't
5) take pictures of your sexy dolled up self with alcohol on the metro or marshrutka (if you don't know this word, see my previous blog)
6) pout about having to walk in the snow, but have a drink because it's been twentry whole minutes since you tasted the sweetness of wine
7) take more pictures and make jokes that no one understands
8) arrive at party
9) start some unnecessary drama because the sweet wine is now making into a complete drama queen
10) start making fun of everyone and their accents, then drink some more and take random pictures of salads and bottles and people's shoes

So this was how I spent December 31.  Much to everyone's disappointment, the world did not end.  And thank goodness for that because I've been really good about paying my students loans and I would have been so annoyed knowing that I could have saved all that money to go to Thailand or Cambodia.  Which actually got me thinking: how come no one thought the world would end in 2013?  After all, this is the year with the fatal number 13...no one ever thought that was strange?  Not that I believe in such superstitious  nonsence, because the world is clearly going to end when aliens tap into the Bluetooth devices and Apples that half the world has in their pockets and turn them into evil zombie alien hybrids.