Show some Love for the Olympics

There are a few questions people continually ask me which never get old: 1) Do you like Russian vodka? 2) Do you like our Russian snow? 3) Do you like Russian people? 4) Russia is a bad country, yes?

This blog post is going to address the last question, is Russia a bad country?  How does one even begin to answer that?  After spending a day shopping and dealing with nonsensical people from time to time, I do have my moments of severe annoyance but I can’t in an honest answer say that this is a bad country.  Does it bug the crap out of me that people insist on putting plastic things over their shoes because janitors don't know how to do their jobs and clean the floor, thus making it quite challenging for you walk?  Yes.  Does it take all of my restraint to stop from strangling the cashier who can't be bothered with putting my groceries in the bag even though that's what's she's there for?  You bet.  And does it take Buddha-like patience when it comes to dealing with the post office?  Absolutely.  These annoyance are more cultural than anything, and if these things didn't bother me, I'm sure something else would.  There are people all over the world who are lazy and don't feel like doing the job for which they were hired.  Does this mean that the whole world is bad?  Think long and hard before answering that, because we can always find something worth smiling about and something which bring us a little joy.  Therefore, no Russia isn't exactly the Wild West or Wild East if you will; if it were, then there wouldn’t be so many immigrants here.  There wouldn’t be so much Hollywood and intrigue.  My personal belief is that Russia is a victim of their own stereotypes and preconceived notions about what foreigners think about them. 

Case in point is the Olympics.  Was there corruption?  Well, you can’t break the world budget without a little income on the side.  Was there massive grumbling and complaining the need to take the torch into space and under Baikal?  Absolutely.  Just to play the devil’s advocate, when was the last time anyone thought about doing something that extreme?  I think the other countries were just jealous that they didn’t think of it first.  Despite the enormous financial burden that was imposed on the people of the world’s largest country, there was genuine excitement in the air when the Olympic flame came through the humble city of Novosibirsk. 

Then came the day of the opening ceremony in Sochi.  Yes, I like so many others read the posts by the reports who were speaking ill of Russian hotels: no water, no floors, questionable beds etc.  But then, the Games opened and the world was silenced for a whole hour as Russia presented their best ballet dancers, singers and unique creativity for the whole world to see.  Let’s be honest, the media were holding their breath and just hoping that something would go wrong; and to be truthfully, perhaps a fair amount of native people were also thinking that.  Happily nothing of the sort happened.  Only one lighting thing didn’t work and you would think that an entire building had collapsed.  Seriously people, you’re going to ignore the mind-blowing choreography and pure exquisiteness of the show over a few light bulbs? 

Where does all of this bad press come from?  Decades of propaganda from the faceless people who tell us that we should be scared of everything un-American?  This is an easy answer.  After all, these were the same faceless people who told us smoking was fine, and then changed their minds.  Gay people are evil and corrupt and then changed their minds.  Genetically altering foods will save the world, and are now having to explain why people are unnaturally aggressive and developing cancer at an alarming rate.  Propaganda is the mechanism which makes the world go round, and over generalizations are loosely, and I mean loosely based on facts; but still, at some point people really begin to believe their own propaganda.  For decades it was East vs West and it can be argued that it still is that way.  It’s funny how quickly everyone forgets their history or glosses over ‘the bad stuff’.  The West is not some fairy-tale land were people just ride around in BMW’s and eat fast food (well, perhaps in LA they do) but that’s just not how it is.  And the East is not a place where bears roam the street and the mafia drives around in black cars.  It hasn’t been that way since the late 90’s.  Everyone knows that, except for perhaps the people reporting the news. 

Returning to the topic at hand, so yes, after years of being told that the West is a land of puppies and unicorns, and sometimes even flying cars which run on tea; people at some point in time began to believe it.  Then on the flip side, once all of the political and imaginary boundaries were open, there came the flood of images of the Evil Empire.  And then everyone believed it.  I’m trying to recall what I was taught in school, because it was very different than what my mother was taught.  I never had to learn what to do in case of a nuclear attack, yes, I’m sure all my well-read readers will roll their eyes at me; but let’s face it, how else do you calm a population with such awful weapons?  We’ve sure come a long way since the days of hiding under desks and political discord; instead we fight cultural wars via Buzzfeed and Fox and other nonsensical media outlets. 

Tragically yes, people do start to believe in their own cultural propaganda and adapt to facts that perhaps you weren’t aware of.  For example, Vladimir Putin wrote a letter to the New York Times warning Americans not to be so egotistical, which is totally pot calling the kettle black.  Doesn’t every country want to be great?  Isn’t that the point of establishing boundaries and boarders, to stick out your tongue and declare that you are the best?  If sticking your tongue out doesn’t work, you could always invest in a chemical weapon or two, which generally catches a little more attention.  Speaking of pots and kettles, isn’t it funny that not even China received as much ridicule or scrutiny the way Russia has?  It’s not right and it’s not fair.  The moral of the story is this: Не та́к страшен чëрт, как его́ малю́ют (the devil is not as black as he is painted).  Russia not the evil empire, nor is it exactly paradise.  Tell me a place that is without problems and I will be quiet and apologize.  Until then, the press just need to remember that they are supposed to be objective and not to over exploit problems which aren't even problems.  We all just need to take a minute to take a breath and relax.  After all, they are hosting a fairly important international sport competition and at the end of the day, we are all guests in this huge country, and the last time I checked, it wasn’t exactly polite to constantly insult your host.  

Attack of the Clichés!

Siberia is cold.  It’s cold in Siberia.  Thank you very much Sherlock.  I hate it when things people often say because there’s nothing else to be said turn out to be true.  So yes, I will finally have to admit that it’s below zero and quite cold outside.  Yes, people have to actually wear fur to stay warm, both real and fake, although thanks to the wonders of modern science and animal rights groups one has to really question if fur and leather are really superior to cotton and polyurethane and other synthetic materials.  And alas, even hats.  Those wool, jewel encrusted fashionable hats that every woman, except for me can wear.  I have to admit, the Russian people really know how to bundle up in style.  In Colorado one simply applies two or three shirts of various thickness and colors, coordinating hat and scarf and viola, you are set.  Not to mention the flat boots, fluffy coat and sometimes mismatched glove; it doesn’t really matter since you’re going out to your car which will be nice and warm and won’t have to worry about spending outside in the cold.  Obviously, if you’re going to be outside for hours on end, you put on a matching ski-suit and all your fashion problems are solved. 

However, here in Mother Russia, or Siberia to be exact, fashion requires a bit more thought and consideration.  For example, if there is a lot of ice a girl can get away with wearing a spike heel with the idea of actually chiseling the ice, which actually works.  However, if the ice is covered in snow, this is a bad idea due to friction and the lady in question must lower the heel either to a wedge or flat surface.  Men on the other hand only have to worry about how much fur or fleece they need on the inside of their shoes.  The only thing that really matters to the men is if their shoes are clean or not.  Rain or shine, ice or snow, shoes must always be clean. 

Moving up from the shoes, there’s the issue of tights or long underwear.  Clearly, mean wear long underwear and not tights even though the same word is used in the Russian language.  The humor about super heroes running around in tights is beyond them. Anyway, this is where the fun really begins for Russian ladies; the variety of thickness and design of tights is simply overwhelming.  It’s quite a pity that more people don’t take the time to consider their leg wear more often; it can be an interesting experience to say the least. 

Then there’s the endless selection of sweaters.  For some unknown reason, all questionable designs and patterns which have been rejected by Europe, parts of Asia and all fashionable civilization wind up here in Russia.  We’re talking pea green mixed with orange flowers, diamond shapes in hues of burgundy and teal and horizontal stripes of yellow, Pepto pink and sea green all demanding your attention.  It’s as if a child labor force rebelled and sent a giant finger to Russia.  Sadly, most of the men think this is normal and the women do nothing to correct this huge injustice to their men.  Dear men, please stop wearing sweaters which make you look like douchebags, pedophiles or rapists.  The serial killer look went out in the mid-eighties.

Last but certainly not least are the coats.  It’s a coat wonderland.  Do you want a purple coat with a red hood?  Done.  How about a black knee length coat with lace and sparkles?  Done.  For the men, how about a military camouflage overcoat complete with fake badge and serial number?  Done and done!   

For all these reasons, there’s the cliché about Russian women being beautiful and Russian men looking like…well, looking like crap.  It’s not really their fault.  Women are still treated like dolls and manly men are afraid of being called ‘gay’ so they go the extreme opposite way and dress like actors who escaped from the 1970’s.      

The cliché about everyone being drunk:

Everyone drinks.  There’s a bit of bi-polar disorder when it comes to drinking; something like, “no, I don’t drink, but on New Year, all Russians drink too much vodka.  Or on birthdays.  Or in night clubs…”  and my favorite “drinking isn’t healthy.”  As if this answers the question about whether or not people like to drink socially or not.  Either way, every country had a love/ hate relationship with alcohol.  In America it’s a strange paradox, somewhere between ‘drinking is evil’ and ‘PARTY!’  Here, in Russia, it’s very similar.  The big difference is food.  For Americans drinking is a sport, or in some cases a mission.  If we’re going to a bar, we’re going to drink and play pool, we can’t be bothered with eating a salad covered in mayo nor can we bother with dinner.  Please.  It’s Saturday night, it’s time to drink and dance.  There shall be no food served!  Food can only be consumed after two in the morning.  Thus a typical night at a night club consists of shots, chased by beer, followed by a mixed drink or two.  The more the merrier. 

In a Russian night club you are expected to sit at a table, order snacks which are usually pickles, tomatoes, some unknown meat thing and if you’re really lucky, questionable salad which is really just a heart attack waiting to happen.  Then you only do shots of vodka, whisky or beer.  That’s it.  Mixing is frowned on and considered dangerous- and then you dance.  Then you drink and eat and dance some more.  The major advantage of partying in Russia is that nothing ever closes.  You can keep drinking until the sun comes up, which as it happens, people do.  There’s also the nice loophole about being able to drink in public.  I have to admit, there is a great and liberating freedom about drinking a beer in the park with your friends, or drinking on the subway or bus.  On a serious note, in parts of the city and country the government has been trying to curb this enthusiasm for drinking in public and has been trying to ban people from doing it, by issuing fines and tickets.  Most of the time you can sweet talk your way out of it, or offer a bribe.  Who doesn’t love a little corruption every now and then?