Krasnoyarsk Weekend Getaway!

Me: So Gabi, what should we do for your birthday this year?  It’s going to be hard to top last year’s repelling and medavukha adventure in the middle of Altai.

Gabi: True, true.  There’s always Yekaterinburg.  We haven’t been there yet.

Me: I would love to go there!  But it’s so far!  It’s 24 hours by train and I have a 12 hour patience level with trains.  That leaves Krasnoyarsk.

Gabi: Yes, when I was there in the summer it looked nice, but I didn’t see the city.

Me: Plus, according to this website, maybe we can push through to Abakan!  That’s near that village where the Jesus of Siberia lives!

Gabi: Oh!  Let’s research it!

This conversation took place about a month ago, and tragically, Abakan was just too far to get to.  In case we all forgot, Russia is an enormous country with the world’s slowest trains.  We naturally decided on Krasnoyarsk since it’s the perfect distance away, 12 hours by train.  After endless hours of reading travel website and blogs about this place, thank you Lonely Planet, TripAdvisor and Ask.com I was put in charge of finding and booking a hotel while Gabi was assigned booking train tickets.  When in doubt, divide and conquer.  Who would have thought a weekend trip would require so much work?  Oh yeah, we are both obsessive compulsive planners, so we are OCP. 

We were lucky and got our own private kopay car, which meant we could stay up all night chatting and not having to worry about our neighbors.  Once we finally arrived in Krasnoyarsk, we were greeted by fairly warm, yet very humid weather.  There are four train stations and we weren’t quite sure how to get to the hotel, and in a random moment of bravery I asked for directions.  As a rule, I really dislike having to ask strangers for help because most of the time I get snarled at or ignored; but not this time.  Just to be clear, I didn’t have enough credit on my phone so I wasn’t able to call the hotel myself.  Anyway, so she not called the hotel to ask for a concrete address, she then wrote down bus numbers and the bus stop which we needed.  Wow.  Then at the bus stop the conductor told us which stop was ours and we were greeted with open arms at our hotel.  For a moment I forgot where I was.  It was amazing.  The hotel was bit further from the center than I had hoped, but overall, it was everything and more: it was warm, real beds, a café and it was free from Soviet furniture.  After a much needed nap and shower we were energized and ready to do some real exploring. 

Like all tourists, we wanted to see everything and we wanted to see it NOW.  Then we climbed onto a bus and…sat in traffic for over two hours.  Krasnoyarsk is smaller than Novosibirsk and yet it feels so much bigger: it takes thirty minutes to cross the center, but not because it’s big, well it is, but there’s nothing to really see, the whole city is just spread far.  Our main mission was to find a museum, and somehow we missed our stop and wound up on the furthest side of the city and after standing on bus for so long and being pressed against the glass for so long, well, we needed to stretch our legs.  Only after about ten minutes of wandering in the dark did we think that perhaps this was not the wisest of decisions since we managed to lose our path back to the bus depot.  Great.  Happily, one thing which is really great about Russia is that bus stops are usually quite frequent, so we just hoped for the best. 

Fast forward to the end of the night, and by end I mean 8pm because it was pitch black and we were cold and hungry after wandering around for an immeasurable amount of time in search of a café.  Instead we found a super market and decided that it was high time for some real nourishment since we clearly weren’t going to find it in a café where one is usually served lukewarm soup and cold questionable sandwiches.  Gabi went on a fruit and yogurt buying spree and I went for the salad and water; she’s sweet and I’m savory.  The biggest question of the night was whisky vs vodka and let’s be honest, vodka just isn’t as fun as it used to be.  So we went with cognac and champagne instead.  And chocolate cake.  Lots and lots of cake.  I can safely say that not only did we suffer from regular hangovers, but from sugar and insulin shock for sure.  However, how often does indulge in decadence and bourgeois treats?  Dinner for the night included a cake roll- brownie thing, dark chocolate, cognac and 1870 champagne; followed by watching the end of a Soviet movie about a girl named Olya and her inability to love her husband and then killed herself.  It was a good night.

The next morning, Saturday, we decided to try and get an early start so we could see Chasovnya, the cute chapel on the 10 ruble banknote, and naively we thought we could take a bus up there.  Silly us.  It required a taxi.  Chasovnya itself is on the top of a small hill which overlooks the city and every day at twelve sharp they light a cannon which either wakes half the city while scaring and annoying the other half.  Why?  Because it’s tradition. 

Later in the afternoon the hunt for the elusive museum was resumed.  Since this was officially Gabi’s birthday I didn’t want to be downer because I really had no interest in museums, except for perhaps the Literature Museum, but that didn’t seem interesting to her.   So once again we were searching for the museum and the equally intangible city center.  The ‘center’ consisted of giant government buildings and no shopping or cafes or anything which is generally associated with a city center.  There was however a giant Lenin statue, not city is complete without Lenin.  Throughout the city we spotted bushes shaped into animal shapes, like what they do at the zoo, so it was a nice change from the usual square and rectangle what everyone loves, but aside from that, it makes me sad to say that the city is quite drab and shabby.  One day I will stop hoping to see a truly ‘Russian’ or ‘Siberian’ city: all unique culture, tradition and architecture was lost 90 years ago.

After a quick lunch we finally succeeded and found the Tvagenski Museum which for some reason was decorated with Greek and Roman deities along with Egyptian pictograms.  Curious.  Inside the museum was filled with an old ship which was a replica of the ship the Tsar was transported by to see his newly conquered lands hundreds of years ago.  Then there were some impressive displays about the tribes of Irkutsk, Abakan, Krasnoyarsk Kray and so on.  What did Greek gods and Egyptian art have to do with the native people of this region? 

After the museum it was time to return to the hotel and get ready for a night out.  For once we were cool enough to have reservations and weren’t snubbed by face control or other nonsense like that.  The club was called Koloradski Papa; and the building was amazing.  The staff were dressed in Soviet clothes and kept asking the customers why they were drinking and if they could join them.  In case you hadn’t noticed, it was a theme restaurant, and not a lazy eye roll-OMG-I-hate-my-job theme, but real enthusiasm and humor.  Once again, where were we?  Never have I been to a club in this country where the people are happy to show you around (it was a huge place, four dance floors) talk you through the menu and explain that there are drinking games and prizes.  We played a few games, but didn’t win.  The music was great, and it wasn’t just American stuff either, about sixty percent was Russian, which is impressive these days. 

Around four or five in the morning we got back to our hotel for a few hours of sleep and then we were off to see the Stolbi.  Volcanic rocks which you can climb on.  Except that it rained and it was muddy and cold and much further than we expected.  Krasnoyarsk is a ski town, not resort style such as Aspen or Vail, but the equipment is quite new and modern in summer and autumn it’s possible to ride the lift up a mountain and either walk down or ride down.  The cold fresh air was a nice way to clear away the cobwebs from the night before.  It’s so nice to be able to escape the monotony of the city: the daily bus rides, nasally offensive people, mindless chatter of co-workers…we desperately needed this trip. 

There’s something magical and almost indescribable about being on a train or bus or even plane going somewhere new.  It’s this excitement and energy which drives me on and makes me stare for hours on end at maps and wonder what’s going on there.  Krasnoyarsk reminded me that Russia isn’t so bad, not everyone is a jerk and not everyone thinks that foreigners are the anti-Christ coming to invade and take over.  Returning to Novosibirsk was nice simply because traffic isn’t as bad and this city is more glamorous (did I really put Novosibirsk and glamorous in the same sentence?) and easier to find coffee shops and supermarkets.